Valor, Wisdom, Presence and Brotherhood

I don’t attend church services very often for reasons that are too complicated and quite frankly irrelevant for this post.  Having said that, I attended a service yesterday at a local church called Stone Creek.  It was nice to do so with Beth and the kids for Father’s Day.  Pastor Steven Gibbs does a great job but honestly I often go for the music. Yesterday though, Pastor Gibbs got me pretty good.  He started his sermon and mentioned three words and went on to discuss them in the context of David from the bible.  Not sure why, but as soon as he said the word “Valor” I became even more attentive.  I just don’t hear that word often.  I hear courage a lot but not Valor.  I hear courage in the context of Jack a lot. I hear brave often too.  Not Valor. Valor, when I do hear it, is usually referring to a military veteran or a soldier.  Valor as it turns out is defined as: strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness :  personal bravery.  Hit me like a ton of bricks.  

For 28 weeks I have been looking at this thing called Valor.  It literally has been emanating from Jack. One only has to see the film we released last month to know what I am talking about.  Watch it again with that definition running through your mind and BOOM, there it is.  Week in, week out.  Day in, day out Jack is showing the world his Valor.  But here’s the thing folks, so is his little brother.  Luke is just 7 and for the past few years of his life he has been fighting this fight with his brother.  Nobody knows Jack the way Luke does. Nobody.  He shares a room with him.  He shares almost every waking and sleeping moment with him.  They share their 7-9 year old perspectives on the world.  They laugh at the same poop, fart and other gross jokes.  They love each other and piss each other off.  If Valor is personal bravery then Luke has it in a nutshell.  The first time I saw him cry FOR his brother was when he first saw the “Jack’s Journey” film at the tourney.  This is when I realized how much he understood.  How sad he is.  How fearful he is. How much he wants to “fix” things.  All the stuff that Beth and I are going through with our 40 plus years of life and adult coping mechanisms, he takes on as a 7 year old.  

I just love him for that because despite all of this he is a great, great kid. Hard to be objective here, sorry.  His family, his neighbors and his teachers all love him. He is a kind soul to his sister and to other kids he meets.  Competitive like crazy but not at the expense of others. Smart in school and eager to learn.  He engages with kids and adults alike in a very comfortable way.  He and Jack both do. That is what Pastor Gibbs referred to as Presence.  Defined as: a noteworthy quality of poise and effectiveness.  I don’t think I had it at 9 or 7 years old.  They do. I have been told this by others a number of times.  I think Jack’s battle with NF has given them both this gift.  It manifests itself in different ways with each of them but it is there.  In the playground or in the neighborhood yards or at the pool, Lukey has a way of being present and I think it is partly derived from his understanding of the seriousness of his brothers battle.  In other words, they have grown up quickly.  Jack’s presence is the way he carries himself in conversation.  His willingness to give of himself in the most personal way sharing his struggle to benefit him and others.  He allows us to hold events “featuring him” that helps us to raise money and awareness. He doesn’t have to do that.  But, he does do it.  

Pastor Gibbs then spoke of Wisdom.  This was the third word I focused on and it just spoke to me very clearly.  It is defined as knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life.  Now, at 9 and 7 they don’t quite fit THIS definition and attaching the word “wisdom” to these two young kids may have you thinking I have lost it. But what they lack in the NUMBER of experiences in their young lives is trumped by the DEPTH of their experiences. Jack has experienced more than most adults will ever have to in their lives.  Along the way he has acquired wisdom and imparts it to us often through the way he approaches his struggles.  He educates and tolerates those among us who would ask “What’s wrong with your eye?” Instead of anger or resentment he imparts knowledge to an unsuspecting and often apologetic adult. Luke sees the areas his brother needs help in and encourages him to be better.  He knows chemo is hard and accompanies Jack when he can and when appropriate. Always encouraging.  

There have been a lot of times (too many) of reflection these past 28 weeks of chemo but this week was really a gift.  Finding the right words sometimes is hard but not this week.  May was a great month for CNFWJ and I will be detailing that more soon.  I hope this does not come off as obnoxious praise for my kids for that is not the intent.  Be aware that my 7 and 9 year olds are pains in the butt, annoying, messy and sometimes WAAAAAAY out of line just like all the others.  But the gifts they possess and those that they give allow for them to get a little wiggle room.

Tomorrow there is hope and you are among the reasons why.  Don’t ever forget that. EVER.  #ENDNF #FNF. 

Thanks,

 

Jake, Beth, Jack, Luke and Grace